A Guide on How To Deal with an Emotional Manipulator
This guide is in continuation with my post on 28 Signs of an Emotional Manipulator. If you haven’t read that post, I highly recommend that you do.
In this guide, we’ll dive into 7 important steps to deal with an emotionally manipulative person. I hope that the information and resources provided in these 2 posts helps you overcome your struggles with manipulation.
I don’t want to waste any of your time, so let’s jump straight in.
Know Your Basic Human Rights and Emotional Needs
A lot of times we are not even aware of our basic needs and rights, so we consider it “normal” when people invade our space, take advantage of us, ignore our feelings, invalidate our emotional needs and trample all over us.
Being aware of your emotional needs and human rights, and standing firmly by them is the first step towards taking the charge back and stop getting manipulated any further.
Here’s a short list of some of the rights and needs you should firmly stand by.
Basic Human Rights
- It’s your right to maintain your personal boundaries and space.
- It’s your right to take care of yourself, and take time out for activities that’ll keep you healthy mentally, physically, and emotionally.
- It’s your right to have your own social circle and participate in social activities of your choice.
- It’s your right to have independent opinions, perspectives, and choices.
- It’s your right to be treated with dignity and respect, and that your values and priorities are respected as well.
- It’s your right to decline to do something that is against your will, and saying “NO’ without giving excuses, long explanations, or feeling guilty.
- It’s your right to express your needs, wants, feelings, and thoughts.
Fundamental Emotional Needs
- To be listened to with sincerity
- To be understood
- To grow and progress
- To be loved and respected
- To feel safe, emotionally and physically
- To feel worthy and valued
- To live a purposeful life
- To be acknowledged and appreciated
- To have some certainty and clarity
- To actualize your capabilities and potential
- To feel supported
Enforce Healthy Boundaries
Now to protect your fundamental human rights and emotional needs you must set very clear boundaries and stand by them.
Manipulative people have a tendency to step too far into other people’s space and cross boundaries.
I have recently written an entire in-depth guide on How to Set Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship. If you have been struggling with setting boundaries and dealing with a person who constantly violates your boundaries, make sure to read this guide thoroughly:
How to Set Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship – An In-Depth Guide
Learn to Say NO Without Giving Long Explanations
In order to deal with a manipulator and set boundaries effectively, you must learn to say NO without offering a lot of excuses and explanations.
You don’t have to be apologetic for not doing something that is not your obligation. When we say YES under pressure, it often reflects that we don’t respect our own will and time enough.
Again, I have also written an entire guide on How to Say NO Without Feeling Guilty. If you’ve struggled to say NO and stand for your own time and priorities, you can read the guide here:
17 Tips To Say NO Without Being Rude Or Feeling Guilty
Stop Reacting Emotionally Towards Them
Knowingly or unknowingly, manipulators often seek some sort of emotional reaction from people so they can exploit their emotional vulnerabilities and weaknesses.
Manipulative people are very observant. They are great at figuring out the weaknesses, loopholes, and vulnerabilities of people. They know what clicks and what gets under the skin of a particular person.
In such a scenario, it’s better to not give them enough information to work with. Close off a bit. Detach and distance yourself emotionally from them. That is often the best for the sake of your own mental and emotional health.
Also, if you get reactive and they stay calm and composed, it will make you look bad and they will use it against you to show others that you are the actual problem.
Initially, you’ll notice that they’ll try harder to get a reaction out of you, but you hold your ground. After a while, they’ll know that their tricks aren’t working on you anymore. It’s a matter of who gives up first. If you stay consistent and composed, eventually they’ll give in.
Give Priority to Your Safety and Well-being
Emotional manipulation is very detrimental to mental and emotional health. If you are in a particularly manipulative relationship, seek your own safety and well-being first!
A manipulative person is great at portraying a kind and generous image of themselves in public so that no one would suspect anything from them. But behind closed doors, the story is different. The people who live with them are not safe from their abuse and the worst part is, nobody would believe that this seemingly kind and generous person could do such a thing.
Don’t hesitate to disengage from the situation and distance yourself from that person for the time being. It’s important that you get out of that situation and that mental/emotional state so that you can clear your head and think rationally about where to take things from here on.
Stop communicating with that person entirely for a few days, and don’t read their text or attend their calls. Just get a break from them and focus on getting your head clear and realign your compass. Allow your mind and heart to get some fresh air.
You must get out of their manipulative influence that is fogging your thoughts and blurring your decision-making process. Create some distance that will ensure your safety (both mentally and physically) and allow you the space to have some peace of mind.
Seek Help from a Specialized Professional
One of the biggest mistakes people make is not seeking professional help in their personal matters.
There are therapists and coaches out there who are specialized in helping you deal with family and relationship-related issues. They help people like you get unstuck and lead a better quality of life, day in and day out.
You don’t have to deal with this stuff alone. Seek a reputed therapist or a life coach. Make sure to do your research thoroughly before choosing one.
Know When to Walk Away
After thoroughly going through the above steps, if the other person still doesn’t respect your boundaries, and stays being insincere and ungenuine in the relationship, demonstrating manipulative tendencies, then it’s better that you make some decisions that are right for both you and especially for your own mental and emotional well-being.
Staying stuck in a toxic relationship for years and years without working on it and improving it, hurts both people in the long run.
It’s a really tough call to make. In such cases, it helps to look forward into the future, to vaguely predict where things might be headed. That will help you gain clarity and see the bigger picture outside of the current state of mind you might be stuck in.
Again, take some time off from the relationship, seek help from loved ones, and from a good therapist/coach. Do some deep digging and internal working on yourself before you conclude what’s the best route to take from here on.
Take good care. May God be your Guide and Helper.
