7 Habits of People with Low Self-Esteem

So, quick question, have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking, “Did I sound too confident just now? Are they going to think I’m full of myself?” And then spent the next four hours overanalyzing every word you said? 

Yeah? Then pull up a chair, because this post might be exactly what you need.

Today we’re talking about 7 subtle habits of people with low self-esteem. And before you click away thinking, “Nah, not me, I’m just really, really humble to the point of disliking myself!”… yeah, that’s literally the point.

We’re going to break down the most common patterns that show up when someone’s self-esteem is quietly doing the worm dance at the bottom of their emotional well. 

It’s not always obvious. Some people overcompensate by becoming overly confident, let’s call that the “narcissist detour.” But that’s a topic for another day.

Today, we’re focusing on the subtle signs of low self-esteem, the ones that aren’t as obvious but quietly sabotaging you. Let’s jump in.

1. Absorbing all criticism like a sponge with no boundaries

Okay, habit number one: You absorb criticism like it’s a holy revelation. 

Someone says something mildly critical, and instead of going, “Hmm, interesting. Noted,” you immediately go, “They’re right. I suck. I should never speak again.”

People with low self-esteem struggle to filter feedback. They take everything personally even criticism from someone who barely knows them and possibly has food stuck in their teeth. 

Like, why are you trusting this person’s opinion over your own best friend’s??

And the worst part is you even absorb projections. 

Someone calls you arrogant even though you’re known for being quiet and thoughtful and boom, you start wondering, “Am I arrogant? Should I shrink more?” 

No, friend. Sometimes people are just projecting their own stuff onto you and you’ve got to learn to differentiate that from genuine feedback and constructive criticism.

2. Blaming yourself for everything

Habit number two: You blame yourself for pretty much anything that goes wrong.

Plans got canceled? Must be something you said. 

Your friend is in a bad mood? Probably your fault, right? 

Mercury in retrograde? You’re like, “Honestly, I think I caused that.”

Now look, accountability is great. It’s emotionally mature. But over-accountability? That’s just self-esteem trying to overachieve in the guilt Olympics. 

Sometimes things go wrong and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Radical concept, I know…

3. Impostor Syndrome (aka the “I’m full of lies” syndrome)

Number three is impostor syndrome. You’ve got the job, the degree, the seat at the table… and yet, in your head, you’re like, “Any minute now, they’re gonna realize I’m just a slightly anxious raccoon in a human suit.”

What’s wild is that impostor syndrome is most common among high achievers. Yeah. The PhDs. The people who actually know what they’re doing. 

So if you feel it? You’re in good company.

A simple thing to remind yourself often if you struggle with this is that unless your uncle is the CEO and handed you this job on a silver platter, you earned your spot.

You’re NOT an impostor. You’re just humble and human. And possibly too sleep-deprived to remember how brilliant you are.

4. Struggling to stand up for yourself (because you don’t want to seem rude)

Coming in at number four is You struggle to stand up for yourself. Why? Because you don’t want to seem dramatic, rude, “too much,” or ugh, aggressive.

So what happens? Someone makes a joke at your expense, and you just awkwardly laugh and throw it in your list of “things I’ll obsess over while trying to sleep.” 

Maybe you even stop showing up to hangouts because you’re quietly seething but too scared to speak up.

Being assertive isn’t mean. Setting boundaries doesn’t make you unlikable. It protects your mental and emotional well-being. Passive aggression, on the other hand, is basically a toxic and unhealthy way to express and deal with your pent-up emotions that over time, damage the quality of your life and relationships.

Here is a Guide to Identifying Your Personal Boundaries.

Here’s another guide on How to Say NO without Hurting Someone’s Feelings.

Do check out these guides. I think you’ll find them quite relevant and helpful.

5. Speaking to yourself like a mean school principal

Habit number five: Your self-talk is… not cute. It’s more like, “Wow, you idiot,” and less like, “Hey, you tried your best.”

If your inner voice had a physical form, it would probably be banned from schools. 

You say things to yourself that you’d never say to someone you care about, so why is it okay when it’s aimed at you?

Try switching that inner voice from “judgmental” to “supportive and caring”. It will feel weird and awkward at first but you’ll be shocked at how much it helps.

6. Assuming everyone is thinking poorly of you

Number six: You assume others are thinking poorly of you. 

And it’s not because they’ve said anything. It’s because your own brain is narrating everyone else’s thoughts with subtitles like, “She thinks you’re weird. He thinks you’re annoying. That barista definitely rolled her eyes.”

The thing is, most people are too busy thinking about themselves. You’re not on their radar as much as you think.

Also, if you grew up with really critical or judgmental parents, this one makes sense. It wired your brain to expect criticism, even when none is coming. But it’s definitely something you can unlearn with some conscious effort.

7. Constantly comparing yourself to others

And finally, number seven: You compare yourself to everyone.

You scroll through social media like, “Wow, she’s already married, owns a business, and has three dogs with matching sweaters, and here I am, Googling if cereal counts as dinner.”

Comparison might feel like you’re trying to motivate yourself at first, but when you have low self-esteem, it usually just ends in you feeling worse. 

Look, no one posts the messy parts of their lives. You’re seeing everyone’s highlight reel while you’re stuck editing your bloopers. 

Cut yourself some slack. Everyone’s timeline is different. You’re not late. You’re living your story.

Bring it full circle

So if you found yourself nodding to a few (or all) of these? Hey, you’re not broken. You’re just human. 

These habits are changeable. And self-esteem is not a fixed trait, it’s a skill you develop and improve upon through practice. 

We’re all a work in progress. So see yourself, and your personal development as an ongoing project that you work on daily and it keeps getting stronger and more refined with the passage of time and effort.

The key is awareness. Now that you can see these patterns, you can start rewriting the script, one switch in your thought process, and one small act of kindness toward yourself at a time.

If this post gave you a lightbulb moment (or at least made you laugh at your own life), share it with someone who might also need it.

Also, let me know which one of these habits hit the hardest, or if you’ve ever silently argued with your inner critic in the shower. (Same.)

Alright, I’ll see you in the next one. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.

Peace!